I constantly bore my children with tales of a pitiful phoneless teenagerhood, and marvel that, as a young adult, I ever managed to meet friends in different corners of the world without a trusty mobile in hand. Undoubtedly modern technology offers us an immense package of benefits to increase relational connections and hold our loved ones in mind, whatever our location.
Increasingly though, what a partner deems inappropriate use of technology emerges in the context of relationship counselling as a key area of discontent and trigger for disagreement/ disconnect. Often cited are upset over one partner’s almost constant use of headphones within the home, phones accessed during mealtimes to the detriment of conversation and an excessive pull towards social media.
So prevalent are these themes in modern lives that new language has emerged to describe these phenomena.
The Cambridge Dictionary describes ‘phubbing’ as:
The act of ignoring someone you are with and giving attention to your mobile phone instead.
Interestingly phubbing can also lead to ‘retaliatory phubbing’ and what then seems to be an increasing cycle of becoming more distant from each other.
The Collins dictionary describes ‘technoference’ as:
any negative effect imposed on an interpersonal relationship by the intrusive use of technology
Some ideas to consider
Create a safe space with your partner where you can both reflect honestly around your technology use.
Agreed a new framework / boundary for phone use, such as keeping phones away from the dinner table and bedtimes.
If you need to use your phone, explain why.
Put aside time to interact on social media and try and stick these.
Some useful articles
Doom scrolling – tips for healthier news consumption
https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/articles/doomscrolling-tips-healthier-news-consumption
How Technology can help or harm our relationships – psychology today
Is Phubbing Ruining your relationship?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2l1zxekp3o